Tristan Adventure #432

As promised, I would mention when Tristan is having one of his episodes of mania. There was another one today while I was trying to get ready for the Chamber of Commerce Annual Banquet. It kept me so busy that I didn't even get to change my clothes and had to go wearing jeans and a crummy work shirt. Argh.

5:40PM.... Tristan finds roll of dental floss and goes racing through the house with it -- winding it around and around all the furniture. It took two of us to get the floss away from him. Really. Two grownups three times his size. Maybe four times. The point is... we're big, he's little, and he still kicks our asses.

5:42PM.... Tristan uses Mommy's body spray as breath freshener. Wow, did he hate that. Dad tries to teach him to swish and spit. He doesn't get it.

5:43PM.... Mom is out the door to the Chamber banquet to leave Dad to do the hard part. Poor Daddy.

Turn, Turn, Turn

Tristan helps Daddy clean out the food pantry.

Ice Angel

Julius attempts to make a snow angel in the ice. So sad. I wish we could have one really awesome snow this year!!

Crazy Brother

Tristan watches his crazy brother lie down in the ice.

No Hat

This is what happens when your mom can't find your hat. Yes, that is Scooby Doo underwear on his head.

Healthy Eating Plan

This is Julius's pre-op healthy eating plan. (Sorry the photo is so bad!)

Just FYI everyone, he's having surgery #15 on February 2nd. I will post updates here as the schedule allows. We don't know what time it will be that day. They don't tell us until the day before.

Julius has decided since he's going back to the "voice doctor" that he needs to eat healthy until then. He says, "I have to be really healthy for the doctor so I don't throw up on anybody."

I told him I was sure the doctor appreciated that and also that I admired him for taking responsibility for his nutritional health. He's awesome. Have I told you that lately? He's really awesome. :)

Reading

Julius is reading a book on his own for the very first time. So cool! Here he is reading the book "Go Dog Go" to his dad.

Tristan the Mummy

After seeing Julius pretend to be a mummy, Tristan decides he will be a mummy, too.

Julius the Mummy

Julius pretends to be an Egyptian mummy.

Dr. Julius

Dr. Julius administers a CAT scan to his patient.

Those Less Fortunate

Another golden moment of conversation with Julius as we're chopping things up for dinner:

Julius: What are you making?

Me: I'm not sure yet. I haven't figured it out.

Julius: Are you just chopping the vegetables?

Me: Yeah and then I'll go look and see what else we have to make. I'll let you know as soon as I know what we're having.

Julius: Are you chopping up worms to put in there?

Me: Yeah. Definitely.

Julius: People really do eat fried worms, you know. They do.

Me: Did you know that in some places people eat grubs and maggots?

Julius: Yeah, in Africa. They are really poor in Africa and don't have a lot of stuff. People should send them money or maybe food. They are so poor in Africa they don't even have toys or food or television or candy and cookies or Bakugan or cartoons or clothes or water or even Coke. Africans are the poorest people in America!

Old People

Julius: Mom, how come most phones are made with touch screens now?

Me: I don't know, hon. I guess that's just the popular style now. People like them that way.

Julius: Well, maybe it's because old people can't press the buttons.

Bird Watching

The family is going out to the woods to mark some property corners. The boys have their binoculars and are ready to watch for birds and other critters.

Those Eyelashes

Sleeping baby. Gorgeous eyelashes.

Tristan says, "No" to speech therapist. Repeatedly.

Finally she asks, "Is that all you can say?"

He replies, "Yes."

The Moon, a Poem by Tristan

We were driving to daycare this morning and Tristan recited this poem to me:

---

Moon! MOON!
Pear.

---

Here is my translation of his poem:

I see the moon.
The moon!
It looks like a pear
in the sky
as we drive by.

Morning Adventures

I'm starting a new non-picture feature here. After detailing the madness of yesterday and after this morning's experiences I thought it might be enlightening to document further "incidents" here, like "fieldnotes" I guess. Sort of like this:

5:00 AM
Tristan wakes me up. I get him set up to watch a movie and try to snooze for another little while so I can feel more like a human being instead of Swamp Thing.

5:30 AM
Tristan removes all covers from the bed. Time to get up! I find expensive gold jewelry in my bed. Nice technique, Tristan. Put jewelry back in nightstand.

6:00 AM
Shower, leaving Tristan unattended. Get out of shower to find all the couch cushions off the couch and Tristan standing in front of the TV with a blue magic marker. I ask if he is drawing on the TV and he says, "here!" and takes me to the kitchen where he has made a lovely floor painting on the linoleum.

6:35 AM
We're finally finished scrubbing the painting off the floor.

6:40 AM
I notice the nightstand drawer open. Jewelry is gone. I asked Tristan, "Did you take mommy's bracelet?" He answers, "Yes." The next obvious question which I am sure he will NOT answer is, "What did you do with mommy's bracelet, Tristan?" His predictable response is, "Here!" (which I can assure you is NEVER accurate) and then he points behind the still-disheveled couch.

6:50 AM
I finally find the flashlight and look behind the couch. There's a glimmer of gold back there. Sure enough he was right this time. Mommy's expensive bracelet that Daddy bought her when they were dating is behind the couch. WAY BEHIND the couch.

6:51 AM
I give up and decide to blog instead of facing reality.

Gone Too Far

Tristan is on the verge of being buried alive by his brother. This is moments before Tristan screams bloody murder and bursts out from beneath the pile, flinging animals everywhere. Well, it was a lovely 2 minutes of peace while it lasted.

Covered in Animals

Julius made Tristan a bed of animals on the floor. He's being a good big brother today instead of the usual fighting!

The Great Cucumber Caper

We were in Wal-Mart tonight. I stopped by the produce section and got some apples and a cucumber (because the boys love sliced cucumbers with soy sauce) and then headed over to the office supplies to pick up a day planner.

While I was standing there mulling over my choices, apparently Tristan was having his way with the cuke. He'd gnawed off one end and then nibbled a ring around the middle. He smiled at me REALLY BIG with wet cucumber seeds stuck to his chin. How can you be mad at this face?

I was, however, a little bit freaked out at the prospect of going up to the checkout counter with a mangled cucumber and for a moment considered throwing it under the shelving unit and running across the store hoping nobody would notice.

I glanced up and down the aisles and up to the ceiling to see where the surveillance camera was. I was certain any minute now a member of the blue and khaki platoon would race around the corner and start screaming for security to stop the shoplifter. I was trying to remember... isn't there some rule that it's technically not stoplifting until you try to leave the store? Except, half the cucumber at this point was in his belly and likely to stay there. For at least a few hours anyway. Until... well, you know.

So, being a grownup and all I figured the right thing to do was just fess up and go to the checkout as nonchalant as possible. As we sidled up to the counter, Tristan rode the basket like a figurehead on an old ship or perhaps a bit like the two lovebirds on the Titanic. He slices proudly through the air and gently lays the wet and half-masticated cuke onto the conveyor belt.

The Wal-Mart lady looked with a certain amount of disgust at the used produce lying there. I could tell she didn't want to touch it.

I tried to make light of it. "You charge those by the piece not by the pound I hope..." Chuckle, giggle, smile. Ha ha, boy am I really uncomfortable here...

Tight-lipped, she nodded. "We do charge cucumbers by the piece."

"Well, you can charge me for a whole one." Ba dum bum! Ha ha, that's right folks, I'll be here all week!

She didn't think that was as funny as I did.

When I got home the other end of the cucumber had mysteriously vanished. I suppose he ate it, although when I asked him where it was he'd point to different areas in the car. I looked all around the seat, under the seat, in the back. I hope he ate it or else in two or three days my car will be do for an aesthetic overhaul. (Truth be told it could actually use one now.)

I relayed this story to Rob when I got home who promptly became horrified and criticized me for allowing the child to eat an unwashed, waxed cucumber.

The way I look at it... my kid eats sand from the sandbox, so I'm thinking that we're actually making great progress!

Sorry, No Pictures

No matter which way I turned (or how fast) Tristan would NOT let me get a picture of him in this hat.

The Hamdog

This is a special creation made by Rob after he started cooking dinner and realized nobody was interested in having beef stroganoff last night. So, he then aborted the mission and used the meat to create this nightmare culinary delight.

(Technically it's not a REAL hamdog which is apparently a trademark sandwich from Mulligan's bar in Georgia, but it's our own low-budget version without the disgusting thought of mixing a hotdog and hamburger together. No offense, Mulligan's. I'm sure your Real Hamdog is a well-sought-after meal among bypass-seeking rednecks everywhere.)

Oh Dear

For many years we have been resisting introducing Julius to too much technology. It was hard to resist when I would hear stories of precocious two year olds who can set the time on the VCR or order pink Cadillacs for their moms on eBay and other amusing tales. In comparison, we're downright backwards here at our house.

However, we finally have started letting Julius play kid-safe video games and now that he's gotten the hang of it I think we've lost our TV. Here is Tristan helping out by pointing to the TV and screaming, "GUY! GUY! GUY!"

Early Nap

After getting up at 5 a.m. Tristan decides a little respite is in order. Something must be wrong!

Learning a Bunch

My interview with Julius...

I asked him what he wanted everyone to know about him cooking. He said, "I don't know how to cook, but I'm learning from my parents. My little brother is only two years old and even he is learning how to cook. He is a very smart little brother!"

Chef Julius

Julius is cooking sausage for biscuits and gravy. This is his first REAL cooking episode. Just after this he had to run and get dressed because if popping grease. Lesson learned... Don't cook half-nekkid!!